help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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