I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
