This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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