so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
