You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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