dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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