she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
