I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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