He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
