listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
