Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
