I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
