You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
