i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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