i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
