I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
