We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
