I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
