Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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