I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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