Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize