Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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