So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
