im about as happy as oj after his trial
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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