FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
