I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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