just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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