I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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