When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
