I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
