I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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