It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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