i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
