I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
