So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
