Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
