The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
soo... how was my night?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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