ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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