dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
