Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize