I met the friendliest cop last night
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
