your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
