the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
