My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
