Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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