im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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