I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize