that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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