super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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