Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
