My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
