Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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