How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
