i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
