The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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