Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize