i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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