That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
