i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
there is glitter all over my balls
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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