i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize