i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
