just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize