I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
