I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
