ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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