I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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