I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
