Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
