I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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