I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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