Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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