Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
