I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Randomize
