I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
