quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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