the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
