the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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