I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
