yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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