this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
