Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
he just fucked me for my cheese..
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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