Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
