I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
farters have to be the big spoon...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
