Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
