I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
