I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I'm really busy with my period
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