Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
