I hate all girls vehemently.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize