**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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