Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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