the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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