I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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