Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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