I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Are we still banned from the library?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
